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WHAT DO I LOVE ABOUT M/M?

Today's guest is Jessewave, whose website Reviews by Jessewave is a great resource and entertainment for everything m/m. She's sharing some of the entertaining and thought-provoking reasons that she loves m/m.

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Why I love Gay Men and M/M Romance

When Clare asked me to write a post to celebrate her birthday this month I had no clue what to write and I understood first hand what writer’s block was like as I stared at the empty page. I have no problem writing posts for my site – they seem to appear like magic in my funky brain, but writing for someone else is an entirely different can of worms. So what to write? Last time I did this, Clare had to change the designation of her Livejournal to “adult” for the first time and I wanted to make sure that didn’t happen this time, but it’s so hard. Then I had an idea …..

It’s obvious that I love M/M romance but most of you don’t know why. So I’m going to try and explain.


First of all, while I love the hot guys, that’s not the real reason (okay it’s part of the reason). . I love gay men because so many of them are my friends. I also love that they are coming into their own especially in some countries of North America, Britain, as well as other countires in Europe, and are getting respect just like the rest of society. Sure these are small steps and the road is still a very bumpy one, but slowly they are getting some love, and M/M characters while they are not real, demonstrate that gay men are pretty cool. The books are a few more bricks in the wall.


I remember the very first time I met someone who was gay one-on-one. I was an adult (hey, I had a sheltered upbringing – lapsed Catholic and all the baggage that entailed) – he was my secretary, Jamie. He was what you would call a twink today and he didn’t care who didn’t like the fact that he was flamboyant. I loved him for being himself and when I got to really know him I realized that he was no different from anyone else just more fun *light bulb moment.* He was such a vibrant, sweet person that he started my ‘love affair’ with gay men, which continues today. He taught me more than I ever wanted to know (that’s a whole other topic), but that knowledge sure comes in handy now. .

Since Jamie, I have met many other gay men, and like everyone else with whom I have come into contact, some I liked a lot, and others ..... not so much. One was a very dear friend who died over 12 years ago but the rest are still around to kick my butt, and now that I have a website that focuses on gay men they give me advice all the time and tell me what I’m doing wrong. :)


So here’s the purpose of this rambling post. How many of you who read or write M/M romances have gay friends or even know a gay man? How well do you know them individually, not as some faceless group of people in real life, or as a character in an M/M romance, but as real people? What do you like about the person you know? Is it his sense of humour? For me it was Jamie’s love of life and Phil’s kickass sense of humour .... the others have their own reasons why I care about them. Do you share secrets with your gay best friend if you have one? For example, if your BF dumped you would you ask your friend for advice about what went wrong and how to get back up? Would you go out to the movies or a night on the town with a gay man? What about inviting him to a BBQ at your place with your straight friends? Have you ever had an afternoon or evening out to watch a game at a local pub with a gay friend? What about an invitation to your place to watch a movie? How about an occasional lunch date? Shopping? Do you treat gay men differently because they are gay? If so, in what way?



I’m sure you have stories to tell. Maybe about the first boy you dated and then found out that he wasn’t really into girls. ^_^ What do you think is the fascination that so many straight women have with gay men?






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Follow this month with Clare - and the goodies so far:

JAN 25: The release of the anthology WISHING ON A BLUE STAR at Dreamspinner Press.
JAN 26: The ornery muse who plagues bittermint!
JAN 27: The exotic illustrations that inspire author Cornelia Grey.
JAN 27: The 5 favourite tropes of tracyrae.
JAN 28: FREE FICTION DAY, including new stories and links to plenty of others. Follow my LJ-tag "free fiction day" to find all 13 posts.
JAN 29: The scene-stealing delight of a well-written secondary character, by lee_rowan.


JAN 17: The business/pleasure balance of writing from libby_drew.
JAN 18: Why M/M? And who wants to know? from jordan_c_price.
JAN 19: What makes fiction short and sweet for jenre.
JAN 20: The pursuit of beautiful things by wrenboo.
JAN 21: Bawdy and brazen humor in the new release from Rick R. Reed.
JAN 22: Sexy or sweet, men in fiction? asks dontkickmycane.
JAN 23: The release of my short story THREADBARE at JMS books.
JAN 24: Where are all the star-crossed lovers? asks josephine_myles.



JAN 08: A great new novel and sequel from mickieashling.
JAN 09: Fiction and beautiful illustrations from essayel.
JAN 10: Forthcoming menage release from lc_chase.
JAN 11: Fabulous mix of SF and erotic romance from Sloane Taylor and Robert Appleton.
JAN 12: Follow the bizarre photographic history of Wind in Hair Guy with egret17.
JAN 13: When only your family understands the joke, with charliecochrane.
JAN 14: A top 10 of gay books you should read from erastes.
JAN 15: Favourite worldwide travel with cdn_tam.
JAN 16: 10 cautionary tales from ZA Maxfield! zamaxfield.



JAN 01: A FREE short from me, revisiting Nic and Aidan from Sparks Fly.
JAN 01: Delicious m/m icons from luscious_words.
JAN 02: Why I want to be a Bond villain! by chrissymunder.
JAN 03: The world of inspiration between 'historical' and 'contemporary' with stevie_carroll.
JAN 04: Some fascinating Swedish proverbs from 1more_sickpuppy.
JAN 05: A round-up of a great year just gone from angelasstone.
JAN 06: The countryside and history that inspires author sandra_lindsey.
JAN 07: The challenge of trying to balance edits, with diannefox and anahcrow.


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( 61 comments — Leave a comment )
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egret17
Jan. 30th, 2011 06:20 pm (UTC)
My stepbrother is gay, although he didn't come out until after our parents got divorced. But it makes no difference - he's the same guy he always was, only now he's able to be himself. He came out while he was married - his ex dealt with things by becoming fanatically religious and brainwashing their kids. :(

Through reading m/m romance and getting to know people in the online community of m/m romance readers, I've come to be very good friends with another gay man - we have this whole separated at birth thing going on. :) And it's great fun to be able to share hunky photos of scantily clad guys and discuss the m/m romances we're reading - pretty sure most straight guys wouldn't be particularly comfortable with that!
jessewave
Jan. 30th, 2011 06:41 pm (UTC)
Isn't it amazing how difficult it is for gay men in RL to come out? For some of us they are the same person, but others just walk away. It's great that you were able to see your stepbrother as the same person because he was.

Like you, I share some things with my gay friends that some straight men couldn't deal with. However I found that by inviting them over when my straight friends were at my place for a social event like a barbeque they quickly found that they had a lot in common, and those 'friends' who were homophobic and couldn't deal had to find new friends since I wasn't prepared to have segregated get togethers. :(
(Deleted comment)
jessewave
Jan. 30th, 2011 06:45 pm (UTC)
Hi Val
I think the more we 'know' different people the more we open our minds. I think meeting people of different orientations or backgrounds is like travel :) - it definitely broadens our perspective.
(Anonymous)
Jan. 30th, 2011 07:11 pm (UTC)
The first gay man I met was my boss at the bar where I was working during university. We used to gossip about our "conquests", which turned even more fun after I found out I was't as exclusively into girls as I had thought until then. He took me to gay clubs very much like best female friends go to bars together, as his excuse and ride home. Unfortunately, he didn't value our friendship as much as I did, and we broke up over something I perceived as betrayal and he didn't think worth talking about. (I was nineteen and a bit naive back then. It hurt anyway.) Until I met my partner, I couldn't get it over me to trust any man, gay or straight, with that degree of familiarity again.
Until today men are still difficult to understand for me. I guess reading m/m, particularly books by male authors, is my way of getting into men's heads and trying to understand what makes them tick. And of course, there's the sex. What's there not to like?
jessewave
Jan. 30th, 2011 07:52 pm (UTC)
Hi Anonymous
I'm really sorry you had such an awful experience with your boss. Crappy people come in all types - gay, straight, white, brown, black and you were unfortunate to have had that experience aat such a young age. Stuff like that tends to colour our lives but not all men are like your ex boss - a lot of my friends are men, both gay and straight, and I trust them until I find a reason not to.

Books are a good way to try and understand the male of the species but RL is usually better. I hope you'll open yourself to another man someday
cdn_tam
Jan. 30th, 2011 07:16 pm (UTC)
I worked with two gay guys, one has moved on to another position although we see each other periodically and I still work with the other, I've had gay bosses, we're a pretty gay-friendly workplace and I work with a MTF Trans now as well. I have TONS of gay friends on-line who I've met in real life, who I drag my daughter along to meet. Last summer we had a pool party at one guy's place (okay his parents but they are cool) and it's more a question of will they invite a straight girl to the BBQ at their place. There were 14 (I think) gay guys, me and my daughter and another straight girl and her husband. We had a freaking blast all weekend and a bunch of us went to Fire Island that gay mecca in Long Island for the day. So to me I have no problem integrating them into my life as "normal".

I find it much easier to have gay male friends sometimes than straight because I never have to worry that if I joke around with them they'll think I'm interested or vice-versa. We all know where we stand on the romance front so we are good. Some are funny, some are nerdy, and maybe it's a case of birds of a feather on the internet, but that's how I met most of them, on blogs and we became on-line friend and then we became IRL friends and now we see each other when we can. I also meet up with straight friends and girl friends and they all just lump into one big group of "friends".

Oh and where I grew up there were no gay people *wink* But seriously, I grew up in a very insulated community in Western Canada and I never heard a negative thing about gay people because I'm sure their existence never crossed my family's minds, or they chose to just ignore it if they knew something I didn't.
jessewave
Jan. 30th, 2011 08:00 pm (UTC)
Hi Tam
You are probably one of the few women I 'know' who has had as much or maybe even more contact with gay men.

I too have been to Fire Island a few times. I used to go to New York a lot and my friends loved to visit FI so I went along because it's such a fun place.

I find social occasions where both gays and straights mix are very revealing because you can always tell when a straight person is faking it. lol

I know what you mean about growing up where there were no gay people - a lot of people in Western Canada still think that way from what I've heard. :)
jenre
Jan. 30th, 2011 08:11 pm (UTC)
One of my good friends at school came out whilst he was at university. It didn't really change anything about our relationship other than making a few things click in my head (such as the reason why he gently rebuffed my drunken attempt to snog him at my friend's 18th party, lol). He lives in London now with his husband and I see them every so often.

Other than that, I don't really have a close RL relationship with a gay man. I've known a few in my job as a teacher, but to be honest then I was more interested in whether they were doing their job properly rather than their sexuality.
jessewave
Jan. 30th, 2011 09:05 pm (UTC)
Hi Jen
Many of us have fleeting relationships throughout our lives and sometimes a few of the people we meet make an impression like your good friend from high school who came out after he want away to university. I can't imagine you ever being drunk enough to try and put the moves on a guy. lol.

Meeting someone on the job is usually quite different than seeing them outside of business, so I 'get' that you would be more interested in someone doing their job rather than whether they were straight or gay. :) It took a while for Jamie and me to work out our friendship and it wasn't until he was promoted that we really became good friends.
(Anonymous)
Jan. 30th, 2011 08:27 pm (UTC)
Hey Guys, this is Cole :) I thought this was interesting:

"Maybe about the first boy you dated and then found out that he wasn’t really into girls."

I had a girlfriend in high school who I think about often. I wonder what she thinks about me now. I know that she knows I'm gay, although we've never talked about it, I know that she knows I'm gay -- thats how the grapevine goes in a small town where there's only one man out...its big news. But she's married now and has a little boy, and she seems happy. So its nice to see her every now and then.

She's probably thinking: "Thank God we didn't go past 2nd base!"
jessewave
Jan. 30th, 2011 10:23 pm (UTC)
Hi Cole
Nice to see you in my other hangout. lol

So you actually got to second base, your scoundrel? It's funny how things work out. She probably thinks of you as the one that got away even though she seems happily married. :)
(Anonymous)
Jan. 30th, 2011 08:34 pm (UTC)
hello,
When I was a student at the University, I had a gay friend. He was very shy and I wonder how he could meet men, being so discreet and shy! Once we were in a bar, near the University and we saw a man who attracted both of us; we were looking at him when my friend told me: " you, at least, have a chance ". I felt so sad for him because 25 years ago people were not as open minded as today (even if there is still a long way to go towards true acceptance of gay people in everyday life!). That night, I understood what he meant.
When I read M/M romance, it reminds me of him and I imagine that he has found his "true love".
At first, when I began reading M/M romance, I thought that being gay was easy as concerns love , or rather sex! My idea was that gay men could have sex with whoever and whenever they wanted; I thought they did not have domestic problems! But then, after reading some books, I was surprised to see that they had the same problems as hetero couples! and that made me smile; of course,men have a heart too, and even if they don't often admit it, they can have feelings too. Now, I feel happy when the character is happy or sad when he is sad! It'a amazing as I am a woman, but I really love these characters!( even if in real life, I have never met people like them).
mona
jessewave
Jan. 30th, 2011 10:32 pm (UTC)
Hi
It's too bad about your friend and I hope he came out of his shell and was able to meet other gay men, and maybe have a relationship or two or three over the years. It definitely must have been very hard 25 years ago for a gay man to meet someone never mind find love, because in small towns no one was out and there were no Internet hookups. Things have become a lot better and even in small towns or smaller cities if someone has a cell phone and a computer they can meet anyone. Bookstores, libraries and even grocery stories at night I hear are favourite meeting places. :)

Of course men have hearts - my friends bawl their eyes out when they are dumped, just like anyone else. Sometimes M/M romances hit the nail on the head and I'm happy that you are now meeting gay men in books and maybe gaining a better understanding about them. Thanks for commenting.
http://www.google.com/profiles/itmfiddler
Jan. 30th, 2011 09:19 pm (UTC)
I had two wonderful gay friends back in college. We had the best times together and I'm sorry to say that I lost touch with them (along with everyone else). I don't have any gay friends or even acquaintances right now - at least that I know of, but that is mainly because I only do work these days and no one really talks about their sexual preferences where I work (it's a pretty uptight and not friendly place). It seems to me there are wide varieties of gay people, from sweethearts to total assholes just like you find with any category of humans. However, I could be myself with my gay friends, unlike with others, as they were more tolerant and accepting, probably because back then we were in Texas and surrounded by mostly intolerant jerks. If I had gay friends right now, I would be happy to go out with them, invite them over, share secrets, etc. I'd love to share M/M stories with them and some of the fabulously hot photos from some of the online groups. I'd finally have someone who was into the same thing as me - men! LOL
jessewave
Jan. 30th, 2011 11:11 pm (UTC)
You're absolutely right that gay men, just like straight men and women range from absolute sweethearts to assholes. This obviously shows that they are not that different from the rest of humanity - good, bad and indifferent.

Gay men have to be tolerant because they realize how tough it is to make it if you're a minority. Maybe you'll get lucky and there's someone you already know who is in the closet, and if you seem open they may approach you for a coffee. Who knows? lol I find that large cities are the best places (I live in one) because the people who live there mostly live and let live and are more open. Good luck. :)
(Anonymous)
Jan. 30th, 2011 10:59 pm (UTC)
I hope you don't mind my posting anonymously, but talking about real people = a bit beyond my comfort zone, even if the likelihood of them stumbling on this is slim to none. But I felt compelled to post because your questions really made me think about the guys I know and the two that have really inspired me.

I was aware of gay men, growing up, in that snide, small-town rumor-mill sort of way. Even then, that did *not* sit well with me. Discrimination of anyone, for any reason hurts me, knowing well how that exclusatory and isolating that sort of judgment feels, so I suppose it's just an extension of that. I didn't know anyone personally until after high school though. I'm sure there were gay guys at my high school, but seeing as I was in no "loop" whatsoever, I never heard about it, and it really wasn't the sort of school where anyone felt comfortable being different.

The first was the son of a family aquaintance, and was, coincidentally, a friend of my boss at the time, so we hung out on a regular basis. I don't know whether he was out to anyone at the time, but I suspect not. I only heard about the aftermath of that a while after I'd moved away. His "pillars-of-the-community" parents had disowned him when he came out, and refused to let his little sister see him. It lost him some friends. He's a year or so younger than me, so at the time he'd have been about twenty, and sheer fury that went through me (right or wrong) when I heard how he'd been treated has made it impossible for me to think of his family the same way since. He's kind, wickedly funny, generous, and went out of his way to make socially-awkward me feel like I belonged even when he didn't know me very well. I ran into him again a couple of years later and, horrible as the whole thing must have been for him, the only way I could describe him was free, as though a weight had been lifted. Apart from that he was the exact same guy, and it would never cross my mind to treat him any differently.

The second (and third, really) was my best friend through university. We bonded over our shared fear of bees, and that was that! He was about *the* nicest guy on the planet. We'd go to the bar, talk about sports, our pasts, funny things, sad things, gripe about the people who annoyed us. We even took on the university department for their shoddy planning once. Contrary to my other friend, he was very close to his family, who, at the time I knew them, anyway, seemed completely supportive. He certainly had a bigger support network, I think. Later on I met his partner. They'd been together quite a while and were looking at buying a house together. They were incredibly genuine, warm-hearted and committed people, and it was lovely seeing them together. We've lost touch in the years since, which is sad, but they're never far from my thoughts. They're my ideal of an ordinarily wonderful HEA.

I think the most important thing to me is that they're people, my friends, first and foremost, no more defined by what they are than anyone else. They'd all have been quite offended if I put them in the separate category of "gay friend" rather than just "friend". Unless something would cause discomfort or offence, I wouldn't have dreamed of treating either of them differently, but then I'd take that sort of thing into consideration with any friend. I wouldn't have made too much of a big deal about family things, for example, with my disowned friend, simply because I'd hate to remind him of something painful, but then again neither would I ramble on about a new boyfriend with a recently separated female friend. It's more about being considerate of their feelings as people than anything else.

And if I'd asked either of them what they thought of my new pair of shoes, they'd more than likely have bopped me across the head with one! ;) About the only stereotypical thing about either of them was that my college friend's dorm bathroom was *immaculate* compared to mine--but then again so is my very straight brother's, so I think all that says a whole lot more about me!!
jessewave
Feb. 3rd, 2011 02:11 pm (UTC)
Hi Anonymous
I just realized that I hadn't responded to your comment and I do apologise.

Your experiences show how differently gay men are treated by family -on the one hand total rejection, and then you have such a heartwarming story about your best friend through university whose family was so supportive. It's too bad you lost touch but maybe you will reconnect.

You make an excellent point that they are all just *friends* with no distinction between straight, gay, male or female. That's how I treat my friends and the only time the "gay thing" comes up is if I need advice about something I'm writing for the site and I don't want to make a horrible blunder.

Straight people (men AND women) make such a big deal about how gay men are different and the truth is they are just normal human beings. For example, there are flamboyant straight men as well as flamboyant gays, but society seems to make a big deal about the latter.

Thank you again for writing and giving a different perspective.
(Anonymous)
Jan. 30th, 2011 11:35 pm (UTC)
I grew up and currently live in the San Francisco Bay area. I've been around gay people all my life. I've gay relatives and I've shared apartments with gay men during / after college. I don't find that my interaction with my gay friends is different from that with my straight friends. It's more dependent on the interests we share than on anything else.
- Kel
jessewave
Jan. 31st, 2011 08:52 pm (UTC)
Hi Kel
Thanks for commenting.

I found that with my gay friends, because the whole 'sexual attraction' thing was a non issue we were a lot more comfortable initially than with my straight male friends. As you say, mutual interests form a part of any friendship regardless of gender. Where I live in Toronto the atmosphere is similar to San Francisco because so many gays and lesbians live here, so sharing apartments between straight and gay people happens a fair amount. However in 'small town' Ontario people are not as gay friendly.
(Anonymous)
Jan. 30th, 2011 11:39 pm (UTC)
When I lived in Toronto I had the most fab gay friends. We went on vacay together and one of them in particular was my bestie. We shared stories, he took me to my first gay bar and proceeded to laugh at me when I realized instead of sports playing on tv they had gay porn. Alas, 10 or so years ago after I married I moved to the USA. I live in a very conservative area of a blue state. I don't know any gays here at all. I've yet to meet one, it makes me sad as I miss what I had.
jessewave
Jan. 31st, 2011 08:56 pm (UTC)
Hi Anonymous
Another former Torontonian. lol

I'm sure there are lots of gays where you live but they are just not as open about their sexuality because they realize it would go down like a lead balloon. However maybe if you wear a discreet rainbow pin that might win you a few friends. :)
patty_mn
Jan. 31st, 2011 12:41 am (UTC)
Hey, Wave. I have a cousin who is gay; he is just 4 months younger than me. My husband and kids and I get together with him and his partner as often as our respective work schedules will allow. They are both very out, very funny and sweet. Theirs is a wonderful love story, too. My brother-in-law's brother is gay and we always enjoy his visits. I also have a friend I met at work who is gay and I talk to on-line often. My son and my daughter both have friends who came out while students in high school. My aunt is a lesbian, which isn't part of the question, except to say that we are all very comfortable with varying degrees of sexual orientation and very supportive of each other and equality issues.

My reasons for reading and enjoying m/m are not always clear in my own mind. If I were to be really honest with myself, I would say that I'm comfortable in the genre because it's a half-way place for me. Let me see if I can explain so that it makes sense. I am and always have been a Tom-boy. I was not a typical teen-age girl because I didn't understand high drama or fashion. I was relatively successful while I was in the military. I didn't even picture myself being a mom until I actually was one. I am more comfortable in a man's world and being around men whether straight or gay. Interestingly enough, I think gay men sense that in my personality and are drawn to that- what? Place of acceptance or normalcy, I guess.

I don't read m/m exclusively for the hot sex scenes or as a turn-on. I seem to just find it easier to get inside the head and thinking of the male characters in the books. I'm sure my husband thinks it's weird although he does always ask me about the books I'm reading. I like reading about men who fall in love, the physical aspects of kissing and touching and referring to stubbly beards and hairy legs. I think, again trying to be honest with myself, that I'm probably a little bit jealous of the men. My not-so-subconscious desire is to be a man in my next life.
jessewave
Jan. 31st, 2011 01:28 am (UTC)
Hi Patty
It's alwasy great to talk to other women who actually know a few gay men and have been friends with them for years. My friends ask me why I'm always at the ball game or in a bar with them but I love their company because there are no sexual undertones and we're just friends. Part of the reason I know so many guys is because at one time I worked in a non traditional field for a woman - construction and property management - and at the time there were not that many women. The only people I went to lunch with were guys and some of them happened to be gay so I can relate to what you said about always being a tom boy.

At times I wish that the characters in M/M romances were more realistic and my friends laugh a lot of the time because they keep saying that no gay man would do such and such. However, things are getting better and for me there's nothing sexier than two guys in a clinch with stubble on their faces. :)

First I'll come back as a dog then as a man. lol. Thanks for commenting Patty.
hannahva
Jan. 31st, 2011 12:41 am (UTC)
Why? I still havent figured it out
I met and got to know 2 gay men in high school. Small town, it was never said, but we knew. I still keep in touch with those 2 guys who are hilarious beyond reason. I saw one of them the other day and he asked me "Was I mad at him because he didnt tell me he was gay?" I started laughing before I could respond. I told him, "No, because I could have cared less and I was sooo not into him." With gay men, no subject seems to be taboo. Anything goes. I met the majority of other gay men...wait for it...wait... in the military. Little ole smalltown me, I was introduced to gay porn by a fellow soldier. I was hooked. Now Ive found M/M romances quite by accident last year, I never suspected a genre existed. My husband can not understand my fascination. Ive told him 2 good looking men are better than 1 and could I have an additional husband?
jessewave
Jan. 31st, 2011 01:50 am (UTC)
Re: Why? I still havent figured it out
"With gay men, no subject seems to be taboo. Anything goes"

That's one of the reasons I love them. I can ask them questions I could not ask my ex. lol. One of the reasons I write so many posts about gay men is because I have a great group of men who act as a sounding board and tell me when I'm full of it. They are like my own advisory group. :)

You were introduced to gay porn by a fellow soldier? That is so funny. I guess DADT wasn't really enforced.

I'm sure your husband prefers that you're fascinated by gay men in M/M romances because they are harmless. :)
Re: Why? I still havent figured it out - hannahva - Jan. 31st, 2011 09:36 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Why? I still havent figured it out - hannahva - Jan. 31st, 2011 09:39 pm (UTC) - Expand
nolagal
Jan. 31st, 2011 01:04 am (UTC)
I have a cousin who is gay, he often brought "friends" to family events but he didn't officially come out until I was in college (he was 10 years older). I had always thought it was just one of those things everyone knew but didn't talk about until family members were shocked when he came out.

Since then I've had numerous gay friends from co-workers to roommates to my current best friend. Just like everyone, some have been close friends and some that drove me crazy. I tend to relate better to guys and most of my close friends have always been men, straight, gay or bi.

I stumbled onto m/m through fanfiction. I know for me, I just like reading about guys more than girls especially in romances. In more traditional m/f romances, the woman is often very hard to relate to as all of her energies focus on getting and keeping her man. While it occasionally happens with m/m, I find people tend to write more well-rounded characters (I've also read a few f/f books that had better female character development). I also find the idea of two men together very sexy.
jessewave
Jan. 31st, 2011 02:04 am (UTC)
Hi nolagal
We have to stop meeting this way.

This is so revealing why we gravitated towards M/M. For you and me it was because we always had male friends - gay, straight or bi.

I hope that your family was supportive to your cousin when he came out - there's nothing worse than being rejected by family and friends when you decided to 'out' yourself. I can't imagine the hurt.

M/f romance has those TSTL heroines that make me ashamed to call myself a woman so when gay romances came around I was only too happy to switch. Plus, like you, the idea of two dicks in play is really sexy and much better than one. :) In addition I love the characters who are so much more enjoyable.

Thanks for coming by.
thelastaerie
Jan. 31st, 2011 01:37 am (UTC)
Thanks for sharing your, erm, "coming out" story, Wave! Interesting points there too! ;)

Hmmm.. My love affair with m/m is kind of long. I think my first "gay experience"( *g*) was when I first saw the British film "Another Country" when was in school, I started to become interested in watching gay films, reading gay fictions (gay literature and gay porn, there weren't any m/m back then). Then I did some freelance work in a magazine and half of the staff there were gay, some were openly gay, some "don't ask don't tell", AIDS was still heavily associated with gay men back then, I remember going to a funeral of a friend who died of the disease and I was the only straight woman there.

I don't think I act differently around my gay friends and no, only one of them actually offers viable fashion tips to me. I think my biggest problem is dealing with other straight friends or acquaintances who are puzzled by my interest in what they refer to as "gay stuff" (rolls eyes), so I'm glad I found forums and blogspace with people who share my love for, erm, gay stuff ;)
jessewave
Jan. 31st, 2011 02:37 am (UTC)
Hi Eve
That was the clean part of my "coming out" story. :) The dirty parts can be published on Clare's Lj - I got into enough trouble last year.

Most gay people to gravitate towards the creative fields - magazines, photography, cooking, the arts etc. because they know there's safety in numbers and they will be accepted for their talent.

The friend I mentioned in the post who died, had contracted HIV and passed away a few years later and it was such a waste because he was so hot. He could ahve been a protagonist in an M/M story. :)

Your gay friends don't offer fashion tips? What good is that? Kidding!! I know what you mean about straight friends and acquaintances rolling their eyes but I ignore them.

How is it that you're not asleep? Don't you live in England? You'll have bags under your eyes tomorrow. lol
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