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BRIGHT, SHINY GUYS :)

Today's guest is jessewave, whose fabulous website Reviews by Jessewave HERE!!! is full of male/male goodness, with regular reviews of m/m books, plenty of art, interviews, fun and news from the m/m world - and always an opportunity for interaction and discussion! :)

Her own blurb: About Me - Wave:
I like sports, with baseball my favorite. I love hot guys, especially the ones you’re going to read about in my post today. Well written, funny books entertain me for hours so long as there are lots of pictures and cartoons (Kidding!!) There’s really nothing interesting about me which is why this is so short.


Awww, that's nonsense LOL. As her Wiki Page states : In the 4 months since the website has been live (after the transfer from the successful but overloaded blog) there have been over 6.4 million hits and over 70,000 visitors from 129 countries.
Bookmark it today ^_~.



I'm really pleased and honoured she's come along today, as she's had to refuse other offers to blog in the past because she's always so darned busy making her own site so sparkly. Of course I didn't blackmail her in any way (who suggested that??? go stand in the corner until you apologise), though maybe the bribe of squirrel porn may have aided my cause :). And of course, she has the honour in return of being the first person in a while who's inspired me to go off and check my LJ account is set to 'Adult Material' LOL. I hope you enjoy her special brand of entertaining, sparkly and often irreverent wit!

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Why are most of the guys all bright and shiny in M/M romances?

Sometime ago I did a post that asked the question "Where are all the ordinary people in books". Many of you slapped me around and told me that book heroes were not meant to be anything like real people because we are all looking for fantasies. I'll buy that, but couldn't we have protagonists who look a little like people we know or see on the street, except maybe wannabe actors in Hollywood?

Many of the heroes in the books I read are twenty somethings with perfect hair that they flick back with a sexy twist of the head, and hard bodies with 6 packs. Can we have a guy with a two pack? Okay so I set my sights a little low for a book hero but if we look for people in RL like the ones we read about in books are we not asking for trouble? If I saw a guy on the street like the ones in my favourite M/M books I would probably want to ask him if he was in such and such story by Clare London, and he would be thinking that maybe he should call the guys in the white coats.

pic by Dan Skinner / pic: sandro & maykson

I like bubble butts as I'm sure most of you do, but how many of the guys you know have those rounded melons that quiver and retract when touched? You know one? Well bully for you. Many men on the street - gay and straight - have ordinary saggy bottoms except maybe black guys who have natural, not genetically enhanced, well rounded asses (or arses as the Brits say). How do I know this? I've seen a few in my time on the links. Okay I don't golf, but do you know a better place to check out men's butts? You do? Where?

And what about the you know what? Okay, cock for those of you who are not too bright. I've been around a time or two and have seen some nice appendages, but the ones in books - OMG!!! I reviewed a book several months ago where the hero had massive balls, his cock had a giant head, and as for his butt cheeks - words fail me. I kid you not. If you think I'm lying or want to know the name of the book email me and I would be happy to share my intimate knowledge of his appendages, all of them. I think a little less of the oversized giant heads and sacs will go a long way authors.


(yeah, so ok, you coped!)


Ladies, did you know that it's erotic to have your balls and genitals shaved by a straight razor? (If you're a guy of course.) What? You have balls? Must be a tight fit under your thong! I just learned about that last week. What a rush! Also, did you know that cold water makes the skin on a man’s sac contract, resulting in a tighter, closer shave? You should suggest to your guy some time that you give him a close shave down there with a straight razor, just before he has you committed. *chuckle*

Do you know any guys whose recovery time is as fast as the protagonists in m/m romances? I WANT one of those guys who can shoot and shoot and shoot buckets of sperm and never get soft. Oh joy!!! Alright I got carried away there, but how is it that guys in books never have a problem with recovery time? Do they have magic dicks?



In terms of looks, they are almost always handsome, 6 ft tall, never overweight, chesnut hair and green eyes, or blond with blue eyes. The main thing is they are never balding or fat, and songs have been penned to faces like theirs. Hello there authors - are there no short, fat, balding guys with shit bown eyes in books? Maybe not that extreme because it would be kinda hard to imagine them as heroes, but a little toned down from the incredibly handsome hero would be realistic and bearable for those of you who are struggling with short, fat, balding partners. Not me - I have a dozen heroes I can call on at any time of day who are ready 24/7.

pics: boris kodjoe and Aahhh...the perfect guy for clare...


So what do I want in in a hero in the next book I read? My fantasy is a bright and shiny hero with long chesnut hair, green eyes, an 8 pack, retractable bubble butt, a big dick, and giant balls (shaved) who doesn't know the meaning of the words "recovery time". OR a handsome black dude (since I'm of that persuasion) with chocolate brown, velvety soft skin and dark slumberous eyes like mysterious pools of something , buns of steel that don't move when you touch them but they may sometimes quiver or ripple, a normal sized thick 9 inch penis, bouncy balls, and lips that just beg to be kissed. Damn I have to stop writing, I'm getting hot.

Do you have an ideal hero? You can't have mine but you can build your own damn guy.

~~Jessewave~~

**Wave asked me to say that this post is tongue-in-cheek and she thinks the authors do a great job on their heroes, whether or not they have giant appendages.**
Clare


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AND JUST FOR FUN...!!

Today's Quote:
"Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right." Oprah Winfrey

Today's Daft Google Searches for 'Clare London':
"Hugh Grant's New Year's resolution - not to smile" it wasn't anything I said, honest :).




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Follow this month with Clare (look at the goodies so far...):



Jan 01 : The New Year is ushered in with the release of the Immortal Fire anthology IN PRINT.
Jan 02 : author Chrissy Munder wonders whether following current affairs in our writing is delightful or just dates us.
Jan 03 : author Madeleine Urban describes how her characters hijacked her brain...a willing victim!
Jan 04 : author Theda Black describes how her writing has been influenced by everything from a bionic penis to the power of Pan.
Jan 05 : author Josh Lanyon shares some exceedingly good books with us and asks about *your* recent reads.
Jan 06 : author K. Z. Snow questions what all the fuss is about authors 'making shit up'.
Jan 07 : Josie aka 1more_sickpuppy compares her life and friends online and off.


Want to grab a day to pimp, pose or pontificate? Email me at clarelondon11 @ hotmail.com and I'll happily find you a space ♥

NOTE: pictures credited where known, others may be used without direct permission, please contact me with any queries/concerns.

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Comments

( 36 comments — Leave a comment )
(Anonymous)
Jan. 8th, 2010 12:48 pm (UTC)
My preference
Well, I always thought I liked guys with long hair, when Fabio was around in his heyday, but now I've realized I don't really. A few yes, but mostly I prefer short hair. A friend of mine refers to his "hair thing" which we've determined means longish hair, I don't have a hair thing. Long on the top is okay but generally short.

I like the black hair blue eyed look because it's fairly rare in real life so I think more exotic. Tall, but not too tall. As a shrimp myself who was married to a tall guy, it has it's challenges. So I don't like imagining 6'4"+. Some body hair is okay but no bears.

Speaking of inches, NOT massive please. A friend of mine posted a link to a guy who has the world's biggest dick or something. 13.5 inches. He's an actor in NYC, no, he refuses to do porn. But seriously, that's mutant. You can't have sex with that thing. There are certain laws of physics that must be obeyed and I don't want an organ that breaks them all. In fact I don't even want to know how big it is, I just imagine it is perfect, whatever that means. Oh and smallish balls that don't dangle too much. LOL And keep a straight razor away from the private parts.

So a tallish guy, short black hair (some curl - girls with straight hair envy anyone with curl), blue eyes, a few muscles, a just perfectly sized dick. Ummm. Do you need my mailing address? Just put holes in the box first. :-)

Great post Wave.
jessewave
Jan. 8th, 2010 01:18 pm (UTC)
Re: My preference
Hi anonymous
I love your choices. Black hair and piercing blue eyes are always such a contrast.

Are you serious that there's a guy with 13.5 inches? How does he find a condom to fit that thing? Does it come out of his partner's throat from the other side when they are having sex?

I do remember Fabio in his heyday - he was on many Harlequin romance covers with that hair blowing in the wind. He's probably bald now. :)

I'll see what I can do about finding you the perfect man and I'll make sure he is not DOA. Thanks for stopping by.
Re: My preference - cdn_tam - Jan. 8th, 2010 01:45 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: My preference - jessewave - Jan. 8th, 2010 01:58 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: My preference - cdn_tam - Jan. 8th, 2010 02:03 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: My preference - jessewave - Jan. 8th, 2010 02:13 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: My preference - cdn_tam - Jan. 8th, 2010 02:46 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
Re: My preference - jessewave - Jan. 8th, 2010 06:34 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
Re: My preference - jessewave - Jan. 9th, 2010 01:27 am (UTC) - Expand
jenre
Jan. 8th, 2010 02:50 pm (UTC)
As much as I love the gorgeous, over 6 foot, muscular guys that fill our m/m books, I do sometimes wish that there were a few normal looking guys out there. I don't mind a bit of stomach flab, but not too much and a guy doesn't have to all over toned either to be attractive.

I think what I like to see in my guys is a general sense that they care how they look and do the best with what they've got. A slobby guy who doesn't give a rat's arse whether he has excessive hair growing out of his nose or ears, or that he has an huge monobrow, or who wears unflattering clothing, or who picks his toes in public and doesn't take at least some pride in his appearance is a real turn off for me.
jessewave
Jan. 8th, 2010 06:41 pm (UTC)
Jen
What a [picture you drew of a guy with hair growing out of his ears and nose. GAH.

I agree with you about liking a hero who cares about about the way he looks and maybe going to the gym a few times a week or just walking and staying away from donuts.

I very rarely can take a guy in RL who is not meticulous about cleanliness and his appearance, although he doesn't have to be a gym rat. In books there are a few slobs that I like - Crash in the PsyCop series for one. :)
merith
Jan. 8th, 2010 02:55 pm (UTC)
i was thinking about this very thing a couple of weeks ago... in truth, i think about it a lot as a reader. there are far too many 'fantasy' men out there in the stories i read. what brought the subject to my attention again so vividly a couple of weeks ago was one story where the protagonist wasn't a 6ft something, built like whoa adonis. he was human, if a lot neurotic, with a bit of a pudge and several personality flaws that cost him friends, lovers and clients. but you loved him anyway.

[edit] OH! the talk about shaving balls cracked me up! over the summer, a group of folks i work with had this very conversation. one of the gals announced she didn't give BJs to her boyfriends unless they were shaved, and 'bragged' at how many bfs she actually got to shave their balls. an impromptu (and very unpolictically correct) survey was taken of the men in the labroom, and those who wandered in our way, on if they shaved their balls or would be willing to if the 'incentive' was right. -- most would give up the pubs. ;)


Edited at 2010-01-08 04:42 pm (UTC)
jessewave
Jan. 8th, 2010 06:48 pm (UTC)
Hi Meredith
I can't believe you guys had a survey about shaving balls :) and I thought I was brave. Glad the guys woould do the deed if the incentive were right.

I wrote this post after reading about all of the perfect men in books and I wondered how this affected women who were looking or dating. Would they find the guys they dated fell far short of their ideal which was based on book heroes? I love stories with flawed heroes who are just as neurotic as most of us.
(no subject) - merith - Jan. 8th, 2010 06:55 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jessewave - Jan. 8th, 2010 07:07 pm (UTC) - Expand
thought_ribbons
Jan. 8th, 2010 03:30 pm (UTC)
LOL love the "Balls" picture. Ahah I love "Real" men with a touch of fantasy does that make sense?

Lovely blog will for sure be checking out at the website!

*edit* I'm high on cold meds so forgive the non-sense of the comment!

Edited at 2010-01-08 05:04 pm (UTC)
jessewave
Jan. 8th, 2010 06:50 pm (UTC)
Hi thought_ribbons

Thanks for dropping by even if you're under the weather. The balls pic was a touch of genius I must admit. :)

Looking forward to seeing you on the blog - we try to have lots of fun.
kz_snow
Jan. 8th, 2010 04:22 pm (UTC)
You made me grin, Wave! I'm with Jen on this one. Plus, I find maturity very appealing -- a face with character, a face reflective of experience and intelligence and a capacity for humor. In RL, I'm very face-and-voice oriented. Of course, I wouldn't make a point of looking away from impressive...uh...anatomical assets. :-)
jessewave
Jan. 8th, 2010 06:54 pm (UTC)
>>impressive...uh...anatomical assets. :-)<< Shame on you KZ
If I ever find a picture of the guy with the 13.5 inch I'll be sure to send it so that you can have a peek at what you would love to miss.

I like older guys too and the voice must be appealing - deep, sexy, smooth bass voice. Ho boy, have to stop or I'll be taking a bathroom break, if you know what I mean. Bad Wave.
janeychapel
Jan. 8th, 2010 04:36 pm (UTC)
While watching the documentary Wadd: The Life and Times of John Holmes, I learned that humongous pensises (penii?) often don't get fully hard; they're weighed down by their own girth and can't totally get it up. Ironic, huh?

Now that was just one extremely well-hung dude, so YMMV, but give me a nice, normal-sized, ROCK-HARD dick over a half-flaccid monstrosity any day. ;)

I've always been attracted to what I call a "rangy" build -- long and lean. My husband is 6'3" and weighs about 185 lbs. So I tend to write that type a lot: Eli Jones, one of my Navy SEALs, is a perfect example. No gym bunnies or shaved balls for me! ;)
jessewave
Jan. 8th, 2010 07:00 pm (UTC)
Janey
I had heard about the fact that really enormous dicks had a hard time staying up after the first flush of erection. Maybe I should do a study. I'm thinking about it. :)

I did see John Holmes in a few movies a long time ago and as you say he was really unusual.

I like a slim build - muscle bound guys don't attract me. No shaved balls? hmmmm
(Deleted comment)
jessewave
Jan. 8th, 2010 06:57 pm (UTC)
Val
Eyes - Slumberous, dark, deep pools = heaven. I've always wanted to meet a guy with voilet eyes, but so far have come up empty.
1more_sickpuppy
Jan. 8th, 2010 06:03 pm (UTC)
I'd say something but I'm still gawking at the balls.
/over, out
jessewave
Jan. 8th, 2010 07:02 pm (UTC)
I like the balls. I think they hang nicely and frame the other equipment which I still can't find. :)
wrenboo
Jan. 8th, 2010 07:27 pm (UTC)
Wave, you never cease to amaze and entertain. Woot!

I don't know that I have a true preference. Guess I like variety in my life. Of course, I do tend toward long hair. Given a choice, I will almost always gravitate to the guy with the long hair. Otherwise, in terms of body hair, less is more if you know what I mean. And muscles, I likes 'em, but not so as to make the guy bulky. Hair color, eye color, tall, short, I'm not picky.

My husband and I have recently had some conversations that go like this:
Him: Does it bother you that I'm getting a bald spot?
Me: Not at all, sweetie
Him: Should I wax my chest?
Me: Heavens, no!
Him: Don't you wish I looked like Patrick Swayze in Roadhouse?
Me: Oh, no. He's so skeletal! I love you just the way you are.

jessewave
Jan. 8th, 2010 08:04 pm (UTC)
Wren
I'm always happy to entertain you. :) I thought I would get away from serious posts and throw this out there on the interwebz.

So you like long hair on the head but not so much back hair that you can braid it. I'm with you about the big oversized gym rats - less is more in that area.

I've never had a guy who waxed his chest. Wonder if it itches when the hair grows out?
And you kept a straight face Wren? - cdn_tam - Jan. 8th, 2010 08:11 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: And you kept a straight face Wren? - jessewave - Jan. 8th, 2010 08:15 pm (UTC) - Expand
lee_rowan
Jan. 8th, 2010 07:46 pm (UTC)
LOL! What a topic. I don't think any of my heroes are shiny--and none of them have 6-packs, because for most of 'em, home gyms hadn't been invented. I don't really like the look of overdeveloped men (or women, for that matter.)

I think some of the OMG he's GORGEOUS!! is because beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and when Hero #1 be holding Hero #2, he's on a sort of pheremone high. Despite my wife's being a round middle-aged gal who will never be mistaken for Paris Hilton (thank ghod), she's unaccountably the most gorgeous woman in the world. Love is not blind, but it can have one hell of a happy astigmatism.

Re implement size... somebody actually grumped at me in an Amazon review because I made the older man (about 40, but think Richard Chamberlain in his prime) well-endowed. I guess the reviewer didn't consider that the scene was from his lover Brendan's point of view, and Brendan was a backdoor virgin. I don't care who you are or where it's going... the first-ever time someone puts one of his personal parts into one of your personal parts, it's going to give the impression of considerable size.

Speaking of which... nice balls. Aren't we all glad Homo Sap doesn't have the same balls-to-body proportion as rodents?
jessewave
Jan. 8th, 2010 08:12 pm (UTC)
Hey Lee
I think big shiny heroes are in, at least those in M/M romances. You don't have to worry about six packs in your heroes because in historical times they just worried about where the next meal was coming from rather than being overweight.

>>Love is not blind, but it can have one hell of a happy astigmatism.<< I like that. Maybe I'll borrow it for my next post.

Someone actually mentioned cock size in a review of one of your books on amazon? WOW. Wonder how they got it past the censors. I'm not even allowed to use "shit" in my amazon reviews. Of course any virgin, whether back door or otherwise, unless the guy is a pencil dick, would be in pain or at least uncomfortable when they do the deed for the first time.

Thanks for dropping by Lee and I hope you enjoyed the squirrel.


(no subject) - lee_rowan - Jan. 8th, 2010 08:18 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jessewave - Jan. 9th, 2010 01:17 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - kz_snow - Jan. 9th, 2010 04:51 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - lee_rowan - Jan. 9th, 2010 03:39 pm (UTC) - Expand
jenna_hilary
Jan. 9th, 2010 01:10 am (UTC)
If I thought for one second that the readers would accept an ordinarily-endowed or ordinary-looking "hero," I'd write one immediately. Alas, although that would definitely be my preference, as a writer just starting out in the genre I don't think that would be a wise thing for me to do. I depend upon the more well-established writers to go where no man-or-woman has gone before.

We're conditioned by television and the movies. If you're ordinary, you are a character actor/actress, or you're a red shirt from the original Star Trek beaming down to be slaughtered by the alien-of-the-week. Check that. Some of those security guards were hot. But mainly, yeah, dead ducks were ordinary.

For me, intelligence is sexy. Honesty and a pure heart (okay, a little bit sullied, but just enough to make him interesting) are sexy. Obsession of the very best kind (I love you and will do anything for you, but otherwise I'm normal, really!) is tremendously sexy. The heck with six foot two and eyes of blue...except I really do think that's what the readers want. At this point in my fledgling writing career, I'm trying to give that to them in spades.

Except...I didn't describe my first person point of view character in my first (and only, so far) novel until almost halfway through, and if anybody was paying attention, he wasn't George Clooney. (Now, Richardson Chamberlain, maybe.... Nah. Not him either.) I just sort of slipped his total plainness in, and so far no complaints.

I laugh when I read about the ten inch dicks in our genre. Come on, man!
Yours,
Jenna Hilary Sinclair
jessewave
Jan. 9th, 2010 01:29 am (UTC)
Jenna
This post was somewhat tongue in cheek although there is a lot of truth in what what I said, particularly the book I mentioned with the guys with giant balls and cock. Having read countless M/M romances (I really can't count them) the superhero seems to be what readers are getting, with a few exceptions. Believe me I do understand that as a newly published author you don't want to rock the boat. However, sometimes the same diet, no matter how delicious, gets stale and we yearn for something different.

A blogger mentioned on my site today on a review post that she was waiting for the first fat protagonist. So am I, with bated breath. :)
( 36 comments — Leave a comment )

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