Clare London (clarelondon) wrote,
Clare London
clarelondon

BRIGHT, SHINY GUYS :)

Today's guest is jessewave, whose fabulous website Reviews by Jessewave HERE!!! is full of male/male goodness, with regular reviews of m/m books, plenty of art, interviews, fun and news from the m/m world - and always an opportunity for interaction and discussion! :)

Her own blurb: About Me - Wave:
I like sports, with baseball my favorite. I love hot guys, especially the ones you’re going to read about in my post today. Well written, funny books entertain me for hours so long as there are lots of pictures and cartoons (Kidding!!) There’s really nothing interesting about me which is why this is so short.


Awww, that's nonsense LOL. As her Wiki Page states : In the 4 months since the website has been live (after the transfer from the successful but overloaded blog) there have been over 6.4 million hits and over 70,000 visitors from 129 countries.
Bookmark it today ^_~.



I'm really pleased and honoured she's come along today, as she's had to refuse other offers to blog in the past because she's always so darned busy making her own site so sparkly. Of course I didn't blackmail her in any way (who suggested that??? go stand in the corner until you apologise), though maybe the bribe of squirrel porn may have aided my cause :). And of course, she has the honour in return of being the first person in a while who's inspired me to go off and check my LJ account is set to 'Adult Material' LOL. I hope you enjoy her special brand of entertaining, sparkly and often irreverent wit!

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Why are most of the guys all bright and shiny in M/M romances?

Sometime ago I did a post that asked the question "Where are all the ordinary people in books". Many of you slapped me around and told me that book heroes were not meant to be anything like real people because we are all looking for fantasies. I'll buy that, but couldn't we have protagonists who look a little like people we know or see on the street, except maybe wannabe actors in Hollywood?

Many of the heroes in the books I read are twenty somethings with perfect hair that they flick back with a sexy twist of the head, and hard bodies with 6 packs. Can we have a guy with a two pack? Okay so I set my sights a little low for a book hero but if we look for people in RL like the ones we read about in books are we not asking for trouble? If I saw a guy on the street like the ones in my favourite M/M books I would probably want to ask him if he was in such and such story by Clare London, and he would be thinking that maybe he should call the guys in the white coats.

pic by Dan Skinner / pic: sandro & maykson

I like bubble butts as I'm sure most of you do, but how many of the guys you know have those rounded melons that quiver and retract when touched? You know one? Well bully for you. Many men on the street - gay and straight - have ordinary saggy bottoms except maybe black guys who have natural, not genetically enhanced, well rounded asses (or arses as the Brits say). How do I know this? I've seen a few in my time on the links. Okay I don't golf, but do you know a better place to check out men's butts? You do? Where?

And what about the you know what? Okay, cock for those of you who are not too bright. I've been around a time or two and have seen some nice appendages, but the ones in books - OMG!!! I reviewed a book several months ago where the hero had massive balls, his cock had a giant head, and as for his butt cheeks - words fail me. I kid you not. If you think I'm lying or want to know the name of the book email me and I would be happy to share my intimate knowledge of his appendages, all of them. I think a little less of the oversized giant heads and sacs will go a long way authors.


(yeah, so ok, you coped!)


Ladies, did you know that it's erotic to have your balls and genitals shaved by a straight razor? (If you're a guy of course.) What? You have balls? Must be a tight fit under your thong! I just learned about that last week. What a rush! Also, did you know that cold water makes the skin on a man’s sac contract, resulting in a tighter, closer shave? You should suggest to your guy some time that you give him a close shave down there with a straight razor, just before he has you committed. *chuckle*

Do you know any guys whose recovery time is as fast as the protagonists in m/m romances? I WANT one of those guys who can shoot and shoot and shoot buckets of sperm and never get soft. Oh joy!!! Alright I got carried away there, but how is it that guys in books never have a problem with recovery time? Do they have magic dicks?



In terms of looks, they are almost always handsome, 6 ft tall, never overweight, chesnut hair and green eyes, or blond with blue eyes. The main thing is they are never balding or fat, and songs have been penned to faces like theirs. Hello there authors - are there no short, fat, balding guys with shit bown eyes in books? Maybe not that extreme because it would be kinda hard to imagine them as heroes, but a little toned down from the incredibly handsome hero would be realistic and bearable for those of you who are struggling with short, fat, balding partners. Not me - I have a dozen heroes I can call on at any time of day who are ready 24/7.

pics: boris kodjoe and Aahhh...the perfect guy for clare...


So what do I want in in a hero in the next book I read? My fantasy is a bright and shiny hero with long chesnut hair, green eyes, an 8 pack, retractable bubble butt, a big dick, and giant balls (shaved) who doesn't know the meaning of the words "recovery time". OR a handsome black dude (since I'm of that persuasion) with chocolate brown, velvety soft skin and dark slumberous eyes like mysterious pools of something , buns of steel that don't move when you touch them but they may sometimes quiver or ripple, a normal sized thick 9 inch penis, bouncy balls, and lips that just beg to be kissed. Damn I have to stop writing, I'm getting hot.

Do you have an ideal hero? You can't have mine but you can build your own damn guy.

~~Jessewave~~

**Wave asked me to say that this post is tongue-in-cheek and she thinks the authors do a great job on their heroes, whether or not they have giant appendages.**
Clare


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AND JUST FOR FUN...!!

Today's Quote:
"Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right." Oprah Winfrey

Today's Daft Google Searches for 'Clare London':
"Hugh Grant's New Year's resolution - not to smile" it wasn't anything I said, honest :).




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Follow this month with Clare (look at the goodies so far...):



Jan 01 : The New Year is ushered in with the release of the Immortal Fire anthology IN PRINT.
Jan 02 : author Chrissy Munder wonders whether following current affairs in our writing is delightful or just dates us.
Jan 03 : author Madeleine Urban describes how her characters hijacked her brain...a willing victim!
Jan 04 : author Theda Black describes how her writing has been influenced by everything from a bionic penis to the power of Pan.
Jan 05 : author Josh Lanyon shares some exceedingly good books with us and asks about *your* recent reads.
Jan 06 : author K. Z. Snow questions what all the fuss is about authors 'making shit up'.
Jan 07 : Josie aka 1more_sickpuppy compares her life and friends online and off.


Want to grab a day to pimp, pose or pontificate? Email me at clarelondon11 @ hotmail.com and I'll happily find you a space ♥

NOTE: pictures credited where known, others may be used without direct permission, please contact me with any queries/concerns.
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